Swine flu. Run for my life!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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