Have you finally orgasmed yet?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
