I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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