We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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