I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
