he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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