I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i drank out of a bidet.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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