I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
