I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
