I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
