One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
