everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize