My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's never too late to be topless.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
