It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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