I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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