Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
