we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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