Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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