remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
