I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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