im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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