Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
