I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The adults are the big ones right?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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