I look better un-naked...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
