dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
