I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Randomize
