i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
