Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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