Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
