just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
