I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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