She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
