She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I will pee on everything he values.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
