Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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