peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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