If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
please don't ironically join a cult
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