if you like me you must not know who I am
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
