Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
