So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
