I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
