He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
