So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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