I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
NoShamevember. You game?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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