where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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