Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?

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(815): View more from Illinois

I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.

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(315): View more from New York

Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.

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(716): View more from New York

found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.

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(971): View more from Oregon

Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?

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(914): View more from New York

He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?

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(314): View more from Missouri

I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?

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(941): View more from Florida

im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester

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