So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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