yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
