Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
When are your genitals available?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
