you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize