if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Two words: nipple clamps
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