the new term for farting is butt boxing.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
