Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
