your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
